Project: Get Hillary Rodham Clinton

The following is a correspondence file between the Secret Council of American Negroes and its psychological warfare expert Lt. Dr. Stankonimilitant.

TO: SCAN HQ

FROM: Lt. Dr. Stankonimilitant, Psy Ops

SUBJ: Emergency request

Stankonimilitant is sure the good folks at SCAN HQ have watched the Clintons' slow descent into Bolivia.[1] It has been oogly, ya'll, like 4 popped collar Polos ugly. This has been extremely harmful to the possible history making first non-white President of the United States. The Democratic nomination is a matter of formality and mathematics at this point, yet Sen. Clinton continues to be divisive. Drastic times call for drastic measures...and what is being proposed could be a gigantic problem.

It is time to make Sen. Clinton disappear.

Stankonimilitant has said previously that he has some connections in the DoD. One of Stankonimilitant's second cousins on his mama's side is dating a member of the Special Forces. Those men can kill someone with pencil shavings and whipped cream, so this shouldn't be a problem.

Here's how it will go down.

1. Grab some members of the Special Forces, and neutralize get them high those members of the unit unwilling to go along.
2. Give them disguises, ie bus boys, porters, chaffeurs, etc. to get them into the high level functions undetected.
3. Let them spirit Sen Clinton away
4. Release the pre-written and forged Stankonimilitant statement about dropping out of the race for "family reasons."
5. Give Bill a new intern Eliminate Bill's interference to this operation.
6. Leave evidence incriminating the McCain campaign.

It is clearly against everything that SCAN stands for to do this, but that's why SCAN has people like me. The good Dr. is prepared to go underground, a la Michael Corleone.

[1]: Poor Mike Tyson.

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EMERGENCY DISPATCH!! EMERGENCY DISPATCH!!!

TO: Lt. Dr. Stankonimilitant, Psy Ops

FROM: SCAN HQ, Agent Q

SUBJ: Re: Emergency request

Dr. Stankonimilitant, SCAN's mission is never the physical elimination of those who are debits to Negro American advancement. Otherwise Flava Flav, T-Pain, Lil' Wayne, Robert Johnson, et al would have been Stankonized along time ago. While the upper echelon of SCAN appreciate your zeal to remove the Senator, physical kidnappings aren't kosher. Rethink your plan and resubmit something else.

PS. Dr. S, SCAN had an informal straw poll and by the narrowest of margins voted NOT to give your plan a vote of support.

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TO: SCAN HQ
FROM: Lt. Dr. Stankonimilitant, Psy Ops

SUBJ: new proposal

After taking Agent Q's dispatch in mind regarding the original plan and the windfall that Barack Obama is receiving even in defeat, the good Dr has a new plan. It is multifaceted and may upset the SCAN ship.

Part I: Dr. Stankonimilitant reached out to Kevin Federline's people and implied that for his help, SCAN would reconsider his application of acceptance as black. This doesn't not bind SCAN in any case because you can claim that Dr. Stankonimilitant acted unilaterally, etc. etc. Simply put Federline's job is to get close to Chelsea Clinton. He has been given Malcolm X leeway, whatever means necessary. After he has her confidence, he is to be arrested for a DUI with Chelsea as his passenger around the Capitol Hill area. Damage: low level, but hopefully they will remove Chelsea from the campaign.

Part II: Mr. Timberlake was also contacted and given a similar message as Mr. Federline. Timberlake's assignment is simple to perform at a Clinton function and re-create Nipplegate. Damage: low level

Part III: Operation Clinton could not move forward without Mr. Clinton's involvement. The good Dr. has reached out to a number of starlets, esp Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, etc., etc.. Playing upon their desire for media coverage, they were told to be seen with Mr. Clinton enough to re-create doubts of his marital fidelity. Through unethical means, the good Dr has obtained a substantial portion of the Clinton travel itinerary. Mr. Clinton and his media starlet friend are to be found in a compromising situation by Mrs. Clinton. Damage: mid level, but hopefully Mr. Clinton will be further sidelined.

Part IV: Call the vendors that the Clinton campaign are in arrears to and insinuate that the campaign may not be able to make good on their debts or IOUs are forthcoming. Damage: low to mid level, unpaid bills will make their way to the major networks.

Part V: Using all of Sen. Clinton's audio recordings, splice together a message disparaging the voters of West Virginia for voting for a losing candidate.

SCAN does not have to use these in this order. They can be used in concert, but this madness must end.

*Written by SCAN's regular contributor Dr. Stankoniforous. If you have an idea or want to write for SCAN send an email to The Black Snob.